It seems I've started a few posts with "I haven't written here in a while..."
Sorry. I have completely neglected this blog, and it's too bad. A lot has happened since, and I sort of doubt I'll ever update everything or anything.
I came here today for catharsis. Lately, I've done most of my catharsis through Twitter, but there's too many people who follow me over there now. It could be a source of hate and bullying, or I could be a source of panic, and that's not what I want. But I need to vent. I need to tell someone how I feel, and unfortunately, I literally have no one. Like a physical person around me that I can open up to.
So if you read thus far and you want to keep going, do it at your own risk. I don't even know what's coming, but I know how I'm feeling, and that's definitely going to spill onto the page. I'm terrified. So if you don't want to be terrified, stop reading now. You have been warned.
Here we go:
I feel like we're living through world war 3. Except in some ways, it's worse. We have no way of stopping this. It will take its course, and it will be a while. We've just been hit with our first cases of Corona virus, or SARS-Covid-19, and I can already tell it's going to be catastrophic. And it's not going to be a few weeks or a few months. We'll be lucky if this thing gets contained in a couple of years. And the economy? we're fucked. And mind you, I am not at all worried about myself. I have a secure form of emergency income in the form of my mom's pension, and she will not let me starve. And I have my own house and my garden, which, even if not enough to sustain me, does produce some things. I'll have a roof over my head and some food to eat. And my mom will be fine too, at least if she listens to me and stays at home (so she doesn't get infected).
But the rest of the world? The everyday people who need their jobs? who have to pay rent? buy food and medicine for themselves and their children?
I'm not sure. I think the biggest devastation of this virus is not going to be people dying as a direct result of the disease. Sure, that will be a high number, and I'm terrified of that too. But what about the aftermath? all the businesses that will go under? all the people who will (or have already) been laid off because the company can't keep them? because they can't work remotely?
I can't stop thinking about all the awful, awful things that will happen in the wake of this pandemic. My heart is breaking. I don't want to talk talk, because I don't want to scare anyone.
Also, I AM PISSED OFF. Because, you know what? I had plans. I have things that I wanted to do. I had friends coming to visit. And damn it, I want to go to the hospital (ironic, isn't it?) and do my clinical rotations and graduate sometime this century. But I may lose an entire year. Classes have been canceled. So yeah, I am also human and I also want my little world not to fall apart, even if in the grand scheme of things, I know that I am privileged and will be one of the least affected.
Also, I'm bored. I've been quarantined for a few days, and even though I don't exactly mind that, it would be nice to have someone around. I'm lonely. I HATE the fact that I feel lonely and I wish I had someone here with me. And on that note... mistakes were made (as I write this thing, actually). A boy wrote me, and I should not have answered. But I did. I guess we'll see. Quarantine text message romance? or heartbreak? Only time will tell.
Anyway. I hope I'm wrong and this will not last that long, and we will get out of it soon. And the entire world economy won't go belly up. And millions of people will not die of disease or hunger. But I guess that's stupid of me to say: millions already do die of disease and hunger.
I gotta stop. At every turn, this gets more depressing. Sorry. I'm gonna shut up now, and not actually share this post anywhere, so if you made it here, thanks. And again, sorry for the depressing post. I had to pour my heart out somewhere.
Sorry. I have completely neglected this blog, and it's too bad. A lot has happened since, and I sort of doubt I'll ever update everything or anything.
I came here today for catharsis. Lately, I've done most of my catharsis through Twitter, but there's too many people who follow me over there now. It could be a source of hate and bullying, or I could be a source of panic, and that's not what I want. But I need to vent. I need to tell someone how I feel, and unfortunately, I literally have no one. Like a physical person around me that I can open up to.
So if you read thus far and you want to keep going, do it at your own risk. I don't even know what's coming, but I know how I'm feeling, and that's definitely going to spill onto the page. I'm terrified. So if you don't want to be terrified, stop reading now. You have been warned.
Here we go:
I feel like we're living through world war 3. Except in some ways, it's worse. We have no way of stopping this. It will take its course, and it will be a while. We've just been hit with our first cases of Corona virus, or SARS-Covid-19, and I can already tell it's going to be catastrophic. And it's not going to be a few weeks or a few months. We'll be lucky if this thing gets contained in a couple of years. And the economy? we're fucked. And mind you, I am not at all worried about myself. I have a secure form of emergency income in the form of my mom's pension, and she will not let me starve. And I have my own house and my garden, which, even if not enough to sustain me, does produce some things. I'll have a roof over my head and some food to eat. And my mom will be fine too, at least if she listens to me and stays at home (so she doesn't get infected).
But the rest of the world? The everyday people who need their jobs? who have to pay rent? buy food and medicine for themselves and their children?
I'm not sure. I think the biggest devastation of this virus is not going to be people dying as a direct result of the disease. Sure, that will be a high number, and I'm terrified of that too. But what about the aftermath? all the businesses that will go under? all the people who will (or have already) been laid off because the company can't keep them? because they can't work remotely?
I can't stop thinking about all the awful, awful things that will happen in the wake of this pandemic. My heart is breaking. I don't want to talk talk, because I don't want to scare anyone.
Also, I AM PISSED OFF. Because, you know what? I had plans. I have things that I wanted to do. I had friends coming to visit. And damn it, I want to go to the hospital (ironic, isn't it?) and do my clinical rotations and graduate sometime this century. But I may lose an entire year. Classes have been canceled. So yeah, I am also human and I also want my little world not to fall apart, even if in the grand scheme of things, I know that I am privileged and will be one of the least affected.
Also, I'm bored. I've been quarantined for a few days, and even though I don't exactly mind that, it would be nice to have someone around. I'm lonely. I HATE the fact that I feel lonely and I wish I had someone here with me. And on that note... mistakes were made (as I write this thing, actually). A boy wrote me, and I should not have answered. But I did. I guess we'll see. Quarantine text message romance? or heartbreak? Only time will tell.
Anyway. I hope I'm wrong and this will not last that long, and we will get out of it soon. And the entire world economy won't go belly up. And millions of people will not die of disease or hunger. But I guess that's stupid of me to say: millions already do die of disease and hunger.
I gotta stop. At every turn, this gets more depressing. Sorry. I'm gonna shut up now, and not actually share this post anywhere, so if you made it here, thanks. And again, sorry for the depressing post. I had to pour my heart out somewhere.
