Birthday thoughts

A friend of mine posted on my facebook page, a week ago, a happy birthday message saying she was posting ahead of time, so as to not add to the pain of reminding me it's my birthday. You see, I used to hate my birthday. *Hate it.*

But that's because I wasn't doing what I wanted. I was unhappy with my life, and every year that passed was only a reminder that I was wasting time, burning oxygen in a life without purpose. And that was painful. 

I actually remember a birthday where I had a party and finished crying on the couch on the shoulder of another friend, while the party went on around me. True story. Said friend might even ve reading this. 

Today finds me in a good place. I just scored a very expensive med book for a third of the price, and that makes me happy. I'm at Starbucks drinking a delicious mocha and they got my name right. I am doing what I have always known in my bones that I wanted to do. I have a beautiful apartment, a lot of close, good friends, people I love both near and far, and I am happy. 

Age doesn't matter. It's a number. What matters is that you are doing what you want, what gives purpose and meaning to your life. And as I've read not too long ago,

"Don't begrudge growing old. It is a privilege denied to many."

Hospital -- day 1

Now that I'm done with 1st semester, I can start going to the hospital. I'm technically on vacation, so I don't *have* to go anywhere. I want to. 

So I went, and made myself useful right away. It was great to see how they accepted my presence there and didn't make me feel like I was annoying or useless. 

Sure, the when the doc asked if I knew how to do an EKG, I looked at her blankly and apologized that I did not. She didn't blink though, just called an upper-level med student and told him **to show me**!!! Before that she had also heard a clinical arrhythmia and gave me her stethoscope so I could hear it too. And I did!!! 

I also came up with the diagnosis on my own. In my head, I didn't share it with the doctor. But she told me and what I had thought of was correct!! The patient had a bowel obstruction, not really that complicated to figure out, belly pain, not passing gas or stool for 5 days, big lump on belly. But it felt great to actually know what was going on!! 

The cause of the obstruction however, was still unknown. We handed the patient over to gen. surgery and they were going to get image studies to see what was going on in there. 

Anyway, I just wanted to give you all an update. This doctor thing is awesome. 

I'm definitely going back to the hospital next week!! :) 

Untapped

Today I got my last grade for the 1st semester of Medical School. It might seem like not such a big deal, but to me, it is huge. My school works a little differently than most: we have 2 midterm exams and then continuous evaluations that take homework, group projects and class participation into account, for each class. If we do well enough on all of those things, we don't need to take one FINAL exam of the semester, which is a monster exam with ALL the material of the ENTIRE semester for EVERY class.

I do not have to go to final exam. That makes me happy. It also makes me extremely relieved!!

However, I just saw a video that made me think: I shared a couple of months ago that even after I started med school, I was afraid I wouldn't cut it. I never doubted that this was what I was born to do... but was I good enough? Then there was a day when I realized I could do it, and I'll never forget it. But maybe there are other people out there who feel what I felt. Fear of not being good enough. Afraid to try because you don't want to fail.

Well, this video should speak straight to you. Don't be afraid. Work hard. If you want something hard enough, and you work hard enough and you don't give up, YOU CAN DO IT! Seriously! I did it. You can do it too.

Here's the video: