Powerless

My head is reeling. I powerwalk through the city trying hard not to cry. There's a knot in my throat. I finally reach the solitary haven of my musty room. 

I don't know why it hit me so hard. It's not the first, and definitely won't be the last time I see this, but somehow I'm overwhelmed and powerless, just like I felt in Chad, when Salomé died. I want to save them all, but I know I can't. My heart breaks. 

This is what happened: after brunch today, I start walking around, looking at little shops. I see a pre-pubescent girl tie a ballon-animal around the waist of a giggling todler. I smile and keep walking, but somehow the toddler ran ahead of me and entangled herself in my legs. She is giggling. She lifts her arms, and without thinking, I pick her up and realize she is naked from the waste down. I turn around to see her sister smile and come to me. I put the baby down and before I know it, the sister is begging me for food. "No money," she says, "just food." I look at her friend, who is carrying another toddler, a little boy. I say "Ok, I'll buy you food." 

We sit at a restaurant, and I ask the waitress for a menu. It's an italian restaurant. My guest looks at the menu and points to a pizza. The waitress looks at me and I acquiesce. I order a coffee for myself and a bottle of water for them. I ask their names and they tell me, but they're too foreign and I can't pronounce them, much less remember them.

I ask how old she is, and she tells me 20, then 14. I think she's 12. I ask her if she goes to school, and she says no. I ask her why and she shrugs. She speaks good English. I get a book out of my purse and ask if she can read, she says no. She can spell the letters though, "T-H-E" but can't form the word. 

The food arrives, and these little girls pounce. The little boy is on the other girl's lap and she's giving him food. The little girl, the one who stumbled into my legs, is sitting on her own chair and reaching for the pizza. It's too hot, she's going to burn herself. I sit next to her and start slowly feeding her with my hand. 

Then comes a man, walking with his hands, his atrophied legs dragging behind him. I offer him a slice of pizza, and he accepts without words. I hand him a slice of pizza and smile. I try not to think of Chad, and Paulin, and wonder if there's a way to find this man a tricycle. 

He has a sign around his neck that says he's 35, has 5 kids and sells books as the only way to support his family. I resolve to buy a book after he's done eating. 

The little kids are not talking, they're munching down on pizza and looking at their plates. 

I ask to see his books, and he has "At first they killed my father," a true story from a survivor of the Khmer Rouge who watched her dad get killed. I wanted to read that anyway. I offer him $5 dollars and he accepts with a smile. 

The kids are almost done eating. I am going to burst into tears if I stay much longer. I ask them to look at me as I take a picture, hug them, and tell them to take care. I tell them to go to school. To read books. All of that is probably impossible, but I say it anyway. 

I wave goodbye and walk away, as fast as I can. 

This world is too unfair. Yesterday, I spent 14hrs without my iPhone, feeling miserable and planning to buy a new one already. I was ready to spend $600 dollars in a damn phone, and these kids have nothing to eat. 

I am crying now, in my room, feeling powerless and angry at myself. I have so much, yet I complain because of minor inconveniences. I feel guilty. I could do so much more. 

My heart breaks. I miss Africa. I miss being able to do something, even if not very much, to ease the pain. To bring comfort, healing, peace. 

I don't know what to do... 

It's the end of the year, and with it comes new challenges and resolutions. If you're reading this, may I suggest that one of your resolutions for this year is to help someone, at least once? And I don't mean give money to a begger or a charity. I mean you, actually helping someone. Offer a meal, and sit with them while they eat. Go help in a soup kitchen or homeless shelter. Volunteer at an orphanage, hospital, jail. Do something to better this world. If we all join forces, we can make 2015 a better world. 

Welcome to the world of bribes and corruption... Or is it?

After a 2-week whirlwind tour of Vietnam which left me wanting more, although not exactly sad to leave, I got on a boat from Chau Doc in Vietnam, to Phnom Penh in Cambodia. 

The cruise through the Mekong was beautiful, bright sunny day, watching the world go by in fast-forward mode, as the boat sped north. 

After a while, we stopped at the Vietnam border, got off the boat and got our exit stamps on the passports. Back on the boat for 5 minutes, and we stopped at the Cambodian border. 

We had already handed our passports and $34 dollars to the boat guy, who gave all of our passports together to the border control. First problem: there's a big sign saying "Tourist Visa=$30 dollars". Where did the extra $4 go? Not sure if boat guy or border official. Couldn't do anything about it, had already given the money. 

I'm sitting quietly under a tree, reading a book about the struggles of a Northern Vietnam soldier after the war, when the boat guy comes and asks me if this is my passport. Apparently it expires in less than 6 months. The border guy is asking for a bribe. 

Triumphantly, I pull out my Uruguayan passport and say: "I'm not paying a bribe! *This* passport is valid until 2019!" So I go talk to the guy. However, he holds all the cards. He thought he was going to get a little extra padding in his pocket today, and by golly, he is getting it! 

He said he couldn't do it. That he had already seen my Brazilian passport. That *he'd get in trouble!* After making me wait there, and telling me I could go back to Vietnam (which was no longer an option, since I had already stamped out and had only a single-entry visa), he told the boat guy again (in Cambodian) to tell me to just pay his bribe of $20 dollars. 

I have a photo of the guy. I will update this after I leave Cambodia, just to make sure I actually get to leave! 

Sensing I had no choice in the matter, I grudgingly agreed, whereupon he instantly put the visa on my *Brazilian passport,* the one which supposedly wasn't acceptable because it expired in 5 months and 21 days -- less than 6 months. 

Outraged and impotent, I have, for the first time in my life, payed a bribe and therefore contributed to the cycle of corruption. I'm not happy about it. If I could, I would have actually gone back into Vietnam, gotten a Cambodian Visa from the embassy, and then come back. Alas, that was impossible, as I was trapped in no-man's land, having already legally exited Vietnam. 

Back on the boat, a German guy handed me the Cambodia Lonely Planet, where it says that though corruption exists everywhere in Asia, it has become an art-form in Cambodia. Great. Just great. 

I then continued reading my book until we reached Phnom Penh. 

Leaving the boat, I had to go get a bus immediately, as I have to arrive in Sihanoukville by this evening. Tuk-tuk drivers abound, as usual, and I resigned myself to be scammed once again, as I have no idea where the bus station is. I tell a guy yes, and start walking with him up to the wharf. He says there's a bus that leaves from nearby. I don't have to pay for a Tuk-Tuk, he'll show me. What? Did I hear this right? 

I keep walking, and he takes me to a place where they sell bus tickets. There are other foreigners waiting. He was still with me, so I expected to be quoted an inflated price, so he could get his kick-back. Nope. Normal price! 

Then he says "you have 30 minutes, maybe you're hungry", and as I acquiesce, he walks me to a street-food stall, where I pay $2 dollars for a heaping plate full of rice, veggies and fried chicken on top. He then says "Have a nice trip!" smiles, and waves goodbye. 

In short, I'm confused. I was expecting to be scammed at every turn, since even the police is openly asking for bribes. Little does this Tuk-tuk driver knows that he single-handedly erased the bad opinion I had already formed of his people, just a couple of hours earlier. 

Lesson learned: not everyone is corrupt, there are still honest and friendly souls out there. 

Hallelujah! 

Vietnam-- first impressions

I crossed the border from Laos into Vietnam yesterday morning. Very fast processing, stamp here, drive 4km in the bus, stamp there: Welcome to Vietnam! 

I arrived in Dien Bien Phu around noon. Time for my first Pho! 

Then I had to wait for 5hrs to get a sleeper bus to Hanoi. Well, I was in for a surprise! 

In South America we have pretty comfortable sleeper buses, but the Vietnamese took this to another level. 

There are bunk beds in the entire bus! Comfortable, completely flat, bunk beds, complete with pillow and blanket! 

(I slept through the night!)

The bus driver also had a sense of humor. We stopped (at the side of the road) for a bathroom break, and I was the last one out. When he saw me coming, he started driving away, just to make me run. I did, then he stopped, gave me his hand and we all laughed. :)

A little later we stopped for dinner. There were only another couple of foreigners on the bus, and they stayed on the bus. I got out because I was hungry. What isn't my surprise, when I see that everybody sits at long tables and shares the same food! Dinner with locals? Check! It was pretty tasty too! 

Arrived this morning at 5am, got a taxi to the hotel, but had to wait until someone checked out to get a room. So I went to walk around and have some food. 

(Someone reading by the lake)

At 11am I came back and got my room. 

Those are rose petals on the bed folks! 

As you can tell, my first impressions of Vietnam are extremely positive! :)

More to come!!

Wanna learn how to cook?

It's easy, here is what you do: 

1- find a small restaurant* with fantastic food.

2- go there a few times in a row, be nice, and compliment the chef repeatedly.

3- at breakfast one day, ask the chef if she'd teach you how to make your favorite dish. Tell her you just want to watch her cook, and cross your fingers. 

4- if she says yes, you're in luck! Don't press the subject, thank her and let a few hours pass.

5- come back between meal times, when the restaurant is empty and she has time to dedicate to you. Ask her again, and wait until she invites you into the kitchen! 

6- watch her every move, take pictures, smell and taste everything she touches. Write everything down.

7- thank her profusely, and eat the deliciousness she just prepared in front of you! :) 

This is how I learned to make Lao Mok Paa, something incredibly delicious and indescribable. If you're lucky, maybe I'll make it for you one day. :) 

*This probably won't work in a restaurant in your home town, simply because they'll want you to keep coming and not teach you their secrets!! Better to try it when traveling to faraway lands with exotic cuisines...