Being a doctor (or med student)

Being a doctor (or in my case, a med student) is a privilege and a responsibility beyond what I can actually fathom. I think if I stopped to think about it too much, it would overwhelm me. 

We are allowed access to people's bodies in a way nobody else, ever, is. We stick tubes down body orifices (urinary catheters, nasogastric tubes, ventilators). We insert our fingers and hands in those orifices and others that we make, by cutting them with a scalpel. We stick needles in their arms, back, groin, neck, feet, scalp. 

All of those "assaults" are allowed, because we want to make them better. Cure whatever is ailing them. Help them breathe. Help them eat. Deliver their babies. Fix that strangulated hernia. Remove that ovarian cyst. 

But what happens when medicine is not enough? When there's nothing we can do to help? 

We're there still. We hold a tiny hand wrapped around our fingers, and listen to a newborn's heartbeat slowing down, until it stops. You check your stethoscope. You reposition. You try to stimulate the baby, but you know he's gone. That tiny little life breathed only a few minutes, then stopped. And you were there. 

It is a privilege and an awesome responsibility to be a doctor (or med student).