The thing about Tchad

Being here is a crazy mixture of awesome and heartbreaking sadness. I was talking to Dr. Danae today, about the fact that I don't plan on coming to work in Africa full time once I graduate, because I don't think I could take it. I would eventually just want to crawl into bed and cry myself into oblivion.

Take today for example: we started with a woman who got to the hospital at 5:30am after many many hours in labor at home. Baby no longer had a heartbeat. Uterine rupture, and so badly ripped that she needed a hysterectomy. She had had 5 kids (including the baby this morning), but only 2 were still alive. After the surgery, we asked if she wanted to see the baby, and watching her hold it just broke my heart. I can't imagine going through that. 

The very next case was a 27yo with advanced breast cancer. We did a mastectomy, but only to give her more time, as it has already spread to her lymph nodes and there's really nothing more we can do. (Pictures at the end, scroll carefully if you don't want to see it).

Then an elderly man came to say his wife, who also had had a mastectomy for advanced breast cancer was having trouble breathing and was complaining of pain. Nothing we can do, except give her some pain meds. 

Then a woman with a urovaginal fistula, who had it for 10 years. Imagine leaking urine 24hrs a day for 10 years. Imagine it for just 1 day. 1 hour even! Not being able to sit down without leaving a puddle. Walking and having urine run down your legs. Your clothes, constantly soaked. The smell of urine like your shadow, always there. 

That was an incredible surgery. It took 4hrs. It was hard and physically challenging, but also very rewarding. Barring any complications, this woman will soon be able to hold urine in her bladder, and void it only when she wants to. I'm really excited for her! 

You see what I mean? It started with a couple of really sad cases, but ended on a happy note. Plus, I get to be in the OR all day, every day. The OR is definitely my happy place. I get to do stuff, like stick giant needles into people's backs (spinal anesthesia), or suture the skin at the end of a case (I'm already getting faster! Closed a hernia in 5 minutes today!!) 

So yes, I love coming to Tchad. The experiences I have here are invaluable, for my training as a doctor as well as for my growth as a person. I intend to come back every year, whenever I have a chance, but I don't see myself staying here long term. 

But then again, God might have other plans...