A little bit of truth: February is usually a hard month for me. That's the anniversary of my father's death, and even if I'm not thinking about it, it's somewhere in the back of my mind and makes everything tinged with a little sadness.
Being in Chad is hard. Watching people, and specially kids, die for stupid reasons, is hard. There's only so much I can take. All the scrubbing in, and doing procedures is awesome, but everything else kinda eats away at my soul, until I just want to leave. That's why when people ask me if I want to be a full time missionary doctor, my answer is always no. I will continue to come every year, maybe for a few weeks, but I think 2 months is my limit.
Friday afternoon we were leaving to spend the weekend at our "sister hospital" to visit and maybe relax a little. Friday morning a child came in with severe burns. Accident happened 3 WEEKS before. She was unconscious and barely breathing. Both feet and one hand were necrosed. We put her on O2, but there was nothing much to be done. She stopped breathing a few minutes later. I don't even know her name. I cried.
Then we left for the weekend, and I actually managed to relax, met some cool people, laughed, and forgot everything for a minute.
Came back late Monday night. Exhausted. Wanting my bed. Found out Adamah died on Saturday. (My burn patient). Apparently she just quit breathing. Just like that. Her body gave up.
I wasn't here. I didn't get to say goodbye. I didn't hold her hand during her dressing changes on Friday, and I feel guilty about that. I didn't do enough. I really thought she was going to make it.
I have 2 more weeks in Chad. Pray for me.
Being in Chad is hard. Watching people, and specially kids, die for stupid reasons, is hard. There's only so much I can take. All the scrubbing in, and doing procedures is awesome, but everything else kinda eats away at my soul, until I just want to leave. That's why when people ask me if I want to be a full time missionary doctor, my answer is always no. I will continue to come every year, maybe for a few weeks, but I think 2 months is my limit.
Friday afternoon we were leaving to spend the weekend at our "sister hospital" to visit and maybe relax a little. Friday morning a child came in with severe burns. Accident happened 3 WEEKS before. She was unconscious and barely breathing. Both feet and one hand were necrosed. We put her on O2, but there was nothing much to be done. She stopped breathing a few minutes later. I don't even know her name. I cried.
Then we left for the weekend, and I actually managed to relax, met some cool people, laughed, and forgot everything for a minute.
Came back late Monday night. Exhausted. Wanting my bed. Found out Adamah died on Saturday. (My burn patient). Apparently she just quit breathing. Just like that. Her body gave up.
I wasn't here. I didn't get to say goodbye. I didn't hold her hand during her dressing changes on Friday, and I feel guilty about that. I didn't do enough. I really thought she was going to make it.
I have 2 more weeks in Chad. Pray for me.
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